so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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