plz talk dirty to me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
