Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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