Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
two words...techno handjob
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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