My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think my moral compass just broke
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