I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
