forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize