i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
