her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
