I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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