my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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