I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
