the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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