plz talk dirty to me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
