I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
