You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
