god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
