My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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