I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize