If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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