You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
