explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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