No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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