Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
