When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
