one might say we're banned from that church
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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