Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
