K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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