i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize