When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
