Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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