not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he thought i was a dude.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
