I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
