I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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