so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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