I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
