i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
