Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He felt like a one man threesome
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
