You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize