He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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