you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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