it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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