I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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