so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
