So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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