she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
