what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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