I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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