she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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