The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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