Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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