At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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