The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
