dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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