before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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