I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
