When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
