I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
