oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I lost the right to judge tonight
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
