I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize