now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
