i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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