he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
