You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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