Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
