Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
