i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
