Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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