Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
