Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You're like the curious george of whores
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
