Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
