I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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