I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
