i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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