I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
