Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
