i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
